One Word to Delete From Your Lexicon

Words have power. We learn that early in life. Our words can be used to build others up or wound them in one breath. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” We all found out that that’s not true. Words are life-giving or life-taking. 

What about the words you speak to yourself? Have you ever really listened to your inner voice, What are the words you’re using on you? The same principle applies: they are either building you up or killing you slowly. 

We can be our harshest critic. 

One word in particular that I’ve come to despise, and that I want to convince you to eradicate from your lexicon is the word “should”. 

We use it everyday. We should go here, or we should do that. I should work on this project or I should call that client. I really should get more organized and focused on my job. I should tackle that pile of paper, return those phone calls or reply to that mountain of email. I should, I should, I should. ‘Should’ rears its ugly head in every area of our lives, sort of like “I should call my mom”.

We all say it far too often. 

I’m not advocating shirking your responsibilities or proposing that feeling good is more important than being accountable. No, the things we “should” do are usually not stated commitments. If they are, you’d best get after them. No, normally, they are self-imposed, guilt based duties that no one is actually asking us to do. We’ve donned the burden ourselves,  for whatever reason...duty, honor, guilt, pride, ego.

But what does it really mean? Should is an obligation unfulfilled. Think about it. It’s a responsibility we think is necessary that we haven’t done. It’s past-focused in that it’s self-imposed due date has come and gone and we’ve not taken any action. That makes it shame-based. I’m at fault, I’ve let myself or others down. Worse than that, now I’m in a deficit, I’m playing catch-up, I’m behind the eightball and I’m being reactive and I’m likely disappointing someone. 

The word begins a downward spiral. We instantly hear it’s companions' voices saying we aren’t enough because we haven’t done enough. We can feel our energy ebb away and then we believe the lie that the thing we “should” do is too hard, we likely won’t do it, we can’t do it, we’re a failure! It’s pretty negative self-talk.

So why use it? It really has no good value. I think it’s meant to spur us into action. We should do something better than what we’re doing now. We should be doing something that our mind thinks is of value for us, in order to succeed or move ahead. But how many times has it actually led to action rather than self-depreciation. Likely not often.

I propose simply swapping it out for a better word. What if every time you heard the word in your head (or worse, you spoke it out loud) you simply exchanged it for the word “could”.

Could’ is about options and choice. It’s future focused. It’s the language of possibility. Whereas “should” has you on your heels, reeling from a guilt sucker punch, “could” puts you in control. You could tackle that mountain of email, you could answer the blinking message light on your phone or you could file the last six months of reports. However, you could go catch your kids hockey game, you could delegate the filing or you could update your resume. The choice is yours. Do you see the difference? Past or future, reactive or proactive, shame or choice. You decide. 

I’m not telling you should or shouldn’t do anything, I’m just telling you that you could use a better word. If you choose too.